Yeah, I’m a hero. Would you like to hear how I became a world famous celebrity? Well, I’m going to tell you anyway.
It all started back in the summer of 87. I was working in my Garden when my cousin comes up to me and tells me about the space ship he saw last night. Now we all know my cousin is well known for his outrageous lies. So I just shrugged off the words he told me. Maybe if I listened to him none of this would have happened.
The day after cousin Lenny told me of his story I was sitting down to breakfast reading the local paper. The headline said, “Millions Lost in Robbery Yesterday.” It seems that half of my community was robbed of their money and prized possessions. Mr. Gagmay lost about 232 dollars and his favorite game, Parcheesi. Miss Wolfmaster, next-door, was missing her collection of rare birthmarks, her son, Smitty, and her cat. I couldn’t find my eraser that I won at the Winston S. Canstain (inventor of the Gut-Be-Gone abdominal machine) Fair for knocking out the town’s strongest man last Saturday. I knew something was up.
The town called a meeting about the bizarre occurrences that were taking place. Cousin Lenny said it was the strange spaceship he saw that committed the crimes, but no one believed him. The Mayor asked what we should do about this situation. Mr. Zantar suggested we build a giant force field around the town. The Parsky twins thought we should call in the National Guard. My idea seemed to be the most reasonable though. I said we should form a town night watch type thing. Just then a tremendous noise came from the roof of the building. Then the front door opened and in walked the most feared species known to man, an Almighty…Space Gypsy!
“We have taken you valuables and ruined your port-o-potties. Soon we will destroy the entire planet. In turn, making the Planet of the Gypsies the most powerful in the universe,” said the gypsy. Everyone was scared and ran towards their shelters. Not me, I wasn’t about to be pushed around by a measly space gypsy. I then knew what I had to do, but I also knew I wasn’t going to have ant help from the town’s people. I was on my own.
That night I went to Professor Foo’s laboratory. Prof. Foo wasn’t there of course. He was hiding with the rest of them. I shutdown the high security system that protected the one thing that was going to free my town from the rule of the evil Space Gypsies. I opened the door and saw it there under a big sheet. I lifted the sheet to expose the most amazing thing ever invented by man. The Spectacular Awesome Intergalactic Laser(S.A.I.L)!
I charged up the batteries and waited for the Gypsies to arrive. I must have played 50 games of solitaire during my long wait. Then I heard the same sound I heard at the town meeting. I looked up and saw a flying object that was making it’s way through the night sky. I jumped up to the Laser, aimed, and pressed the big red button the said FIRE. An blinding light shot from the machine and struck the UFO right in the wing. Just as I saw my great shot hit the target I realized it wasn’t the Gypsy’s ship but a 747 coming in for a landing at the airport. Bit did I feel embarrassed.
I waited a bit longer and finally the craft arrived. I knew it was the real thing this time by the big neon sign on the vessel that said, “Space Gypsies On Board.” I aimed the Laser carefully at the ship and fired away at full blast! The blast destroyed the spacecraft in an instant. Parts from the ship fell to the ground and by that I knew the war with the Gypsies was over.
I went to the shelters and told the people of the awesome feat I accomplished. Then another Ship landed in the corn field. The Leader of the Gypsies walked and said: “I am Steve, Leader of the Space Gypsies. You have destroyed my loyal army of Gypsies. We surrender to Earth and we will never return here again. I will return your belongings and I apologize for any inconvenience I brought on to you.” Then he flew off into the galaxy.
All the people congratulated me and reporters took my picture. The people of the town were glad when their money, children, lawn jockeys, Christmas lights, gas grills, and every thing else was returned. I became a local celebrity and hero to all the little kids. I got my eraser back and free sundaes whenever I want at Uncle Jim’s Ice Cream Hut. I was also arrested for breaking into Prof. Foo’s Lab., but Lenny got me out on bail. All in all this was the best day of my life.